i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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