I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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