I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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