Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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