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i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
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