i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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