i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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