Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Screwed.edu
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize