Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize