I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize