I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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