is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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