yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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