You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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