I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
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4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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