God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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