I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
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I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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