I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize