i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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