I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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