New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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