No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
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is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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