Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize