I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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