whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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