This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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