I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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