Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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