just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
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I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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