M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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