My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
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No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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