i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
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Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
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My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So here I am, sexting at work.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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