I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize