Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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