And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize