Sponge bath it is.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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