Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize