oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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