I think my fart just growled at me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
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Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
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I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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