2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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