I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
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i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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