Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I'm really busy with my period
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