I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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