I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize