the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
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I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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