Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
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i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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