So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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