I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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