If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize