I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
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And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
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You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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