i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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